I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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