youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
