I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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