That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
