I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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