everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
