He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
