you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
