did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
