You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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