Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
