I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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