I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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