a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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