He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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