I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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