I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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