we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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