I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
