i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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