ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
