She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
