The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
