Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
