god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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