We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
