my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize