Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
