we have pet lesbian snakes
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
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