I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
