There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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