I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
