So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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