Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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