Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
