he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
