i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Randomize
