i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
