I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
