wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
