You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
