sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
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The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
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I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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