I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
