Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
