I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
