I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
