for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I think I sprained my soul last night
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Enjoy the penises
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
