I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
