Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
