I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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