Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
it glows. i had to have it.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
