Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
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His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
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The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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