I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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