No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Randomize
