THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
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It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
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Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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