Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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