Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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