lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
