High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
