He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
cat food counts as protein by the way
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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