hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
