I think I died a long time ago.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
