i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize