I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
