Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
