WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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