found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
