You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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