how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
