mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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