did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
