so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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