This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
