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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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