I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
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he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
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I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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