My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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