If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
