I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
