Need sex. Gaining weight.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
