I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
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