At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
