the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
