he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
