Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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