And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
