Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
