Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
