I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
