at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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