I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
