Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
